My life and experiences

writen by me to help me get out emoational fustration at life as a dissabled man

Name:
Location: modesto, california, United States

im a dissabled man. i was born with cerebral polsey. though i can move all my limbs i cant walk. I thought i could use blogger to maybe help nyself get some things off my chest or inspire other people.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

war of the worlds review

Being a big fan of the 1953 classic version of War of the Worlds, I just could not wait to see what Steven Spielberg version would be like. So I took a friend who is also a fan of the 1953 classic adaptation and headed to the nearest theater. And on its premier day, we took in a matinee showing.

SYNOPIS

Ray Ferrier (Tom Cruise) thought that taking care of his two kids Robbie (Justin Chatwin) and Rachel (Dakota Fanning), for the weekend while their mother is away with the new man in her life would be easy. But some unfriendly visitors from the far reaches of space have other plans.

Now Ray must find a way to keep the ones he loves safe from the alien’s war machines, and desperate historical people trying to find safety for themselves. As if that wasn’t hard enough. Ray must try to redeem himself in there eyes of his children. All while the world seems to be crumbling all around them.

At first I wasn’t impressed with Cruise. He wasn’t that confident as I am used to seeing in his other movies. When I realized that he was supposed to play a frightened man (something I’ve never seen him play) I was ok with it. In the second part of the film he was the confident corrector I’m used to seeing. It was vary cool watching him go from your average Joe, to a hero.

Chatwin and Fanning were marvelous. I have never seen or heard of Chatwin before, but I was impressed with portrayal of a rebellious teenager. As for Fanning, what can I say I love her, she’s just so adorable. Acting seems to come as natural to her as speaking is for you and I. I like how she makes everything so believable in her tone, words and actions. She always seems to display a maturity and intelligence far beyond her years

The story line between this version and the one in 1953 are vary similar, of course aren’t all alien invasion movies similar. The core story is the same as H.G.Wells classic telling. The minor differences in this new telling in my opinion add emotion and story depth. There is even a bit back story, about just how well thought and long, the aliens attack plan was, and why they came. Something the movie in 1953 did not have. My only beef is that when you get to see the aliens themselves, they look remarkably similar to those in the move Independence Day.

Special effects were neat. The aliens ships and weapons got an upgrade from the 1953 version. But its easy to see why this film has a PG13 rating from the Motion Picture Asseoation . There are explosions everywhere, and people dieing. But let’s face it this has become the status quo in all the end of the world movies. And all of us have seen more then one end of the world type movies.

All and all Spielberg did a wonderful job adding something new to this movie, while still remaining true to the classic. It’s a fast passed roller coaster ride from beginning to end. If someone watches this move and likes it, then it will not feel like you sat through a 2 hour 25 minute movie. I am one of those people who feel remakes are never as good as the original, and I have to say this one is just as good and in some minor was it’s a little better, and I plan on adding this movie to my DVD collection someday!!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

hard to write a blog when ur hardly home or busy

havent bloged in over a week, and damn what a week its been

it started with last friday

I went to the dmv to get a new id card, since mine has been expiured since my last birthday over 8 months ago. Since im going to go to san diego i need an id card to get in the clubs. I also got myself an apple ipod for the ride there and back. the only kinda music my companions care for os rock, and i cant stomach that stuff. i couldent servive that trip without celine dion and phil colins, and now there coming with me.

then satuday. melb calls me right as im gona start my excersizes.. she wanted componey while she went shoping so i went. She had me carrie her girly clothes. I mean its ok, but id rather do it for someone who i was dating as aposed to just being a friends talking shoping art LOL. sadly though she got a taste of my world when she cought people of all ages staring at me, i think it got to her a bit. although i myself am still not used to it after nearly 24 years

Sunday i missed my excersizes again. my dad wakes me yup and asks if i wanted to go boating with him. since i hadent been on the boat in a whole, and he shpouldent have had to be alone on fathers day i choose to go. It was vary pleasent. I like beiing amongst nature. though the only thing i vought was a sun burn, this may be the first summer in recent memory where i may have a tan lol. afyer that we met up with my mother and all went out to dinner, and then came home

Monday and tuesday i was doing things around the house, i got alot of thing to take care of. I also have resumed my excersise after a 2 day brake, and ive bumbped my bike ride to 2 mile a day now. when i started the 2 miles a day took me 14 mins to finish, and now im doing un 13 mins to finish

then wensday i was gone again at a friends house. and for a while i was misserable. being the 5 wheel stuck single and 2 couples just making out. i excused mysef for some fresh air. I DONT blaim them for doing it, its human nature, buut its also human nature to desperetly want what everyone else has. you know its damn hard to remain hopeful that i wont be single for the rest of my life. its getting to the point i think id have a better chance facing the entire borg collective on my own, then ever getting a gf who loved me and wants to be with me.

anyway like i said its been bust i wish it skiw down im not cut out for life in the fast lane, will see what the wekend brings

Friday, June 17, 2005

Batman Begins

Wensday at midnight u went with my broth and his new gf to see the first showing if Batman begins. I must say i was dead tired when it got late and we hadent even gotten to the movie thearters

But when we got there and the film started rolling inly one word describes this movie. WOW!!!

If your thinking ut takes place before the first batman movie with micheal keaton your wrong. Infact throw out the four other batman films. because there starting on a fresh new clean slate,

The story is top knotch . with great writing. Its darker then all the other batman films and nstays true to the comics in the fact that brucewayne is a vary trobbled pissed off guy.. and we see just how dark he can be. even thjough its a darker story. theres vary few cuss words m and no o gore

the cast is outstanding, i never thought anyone could beat keasotns rendition of the carector. But bale does this with ease. and micheal cain is the best alfred ever. he makes alfred bruces butler, but hes not afraid to give bruce a good swift kick in the butt when he needs one. mprgon freeman. the man is great in everything hes in.Lieam neaso is outstanding. and holds torue to the carrector he plays, i will say this if ur familier with the carrector he plays, then you will know what i know. NO one could have brought the carrector he plays to life better then he did. katie homes was even good anmd im not a fan of hers at all. but she pulled off her role as someone who truely loves and cares for bruce. with deep meaningful lines

and the soundtrack did what a sound track should it has feeling it excites u it pulls you in from the get go. but then again what do you expect when they get the guy who did the music score for crimson tide. the sound track is like the soundtracks to all the star trek and star wars films. clasical orkistra that can excite u one minute and make you feel the sadness the carector feel the next minute. and i will be buying it the first chance i get

bottom line this movoie is bitchen and its worth your:$8.50

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

week in review

yes i know its been a while since ive bloged, but i have been really busy. so ill start off from my last entery

Wensday

Wensday after my last entery, my friend melb asked if id like to go see my uncle in I.C.U. I said yes she came and picked me up and we went. As soon as my uncle seen me he said "oh hell what are you doing here, how ya doing matty" i decided id offer some comic relief . since laughter is the best medicne.

first joke i made was i asked my uncle if he had tried to drop anything on perpose. so that some hotty nurse had to bend over to pick it up. (this is a nice little trick i learned during my last major sergery nearly 13 years ago) The second joke i told him if he thought his just hurt now, wait till the chest hair grows back. Its going to hurt and ich like a son of a bitch, and he wont be able to scratch it. To which he replied jokingly while looking at melb "i need him, likke i need a hole in the head. Then as we wre getting ready to leave i told him. "not only do u get to be high but u get to be high leagally.

After leaving the hospital, i took melb to a nice steak dinner at chillis. i owed it to her for as an apolagey for something i did t it is. i have nice new clothes a nice hair cut. but no mater what i do. if i ever have a date ill blow it as the dinnertable , of this i am as sure of as i am theres gold in fort knox. im sitting there eating and my finger i dono, some how i loose controle of my knife and it falls with steak and stuff on it, right onto my nice shirt. theank god i never have a dat. and its shit i cant controle like this, that i wont go to nice dinners with my brother and friends. im not one for putting myself in a possion where i can be humilated, by myself. (

sure i say off the wall shit. mainly cause its stuff thats already been used to make fun of me with around a fire *LOL* . so why not just poke fun of my self using things they have already used. to make them enbarrised and uncomfortable :)

Thursday

Same as wenday, with the exception my uncle was out of I.C.U. and melb sure as hell got a much cheaper dinner then stake

(note my uncle is home safe and sound)

Friday

friday was pretty much booring untill marshal came over to hang out with me at 11 30pm. we talked about alot of things till 2 am. then headed to dennys for some food and i dident get home till 4 30am saturday morning. we had alot to catch up on. there was this really attracyive girl him an i were checking out. . but then some gay guy was checking marshl out. and he was getting quite upset. as we get up to leave at a little after 4 am. no one is maning the check out counter. so me being the penny picher i am sugested we make a run for it and not pay the bill.. marshal insisted we pa it. and as we get to the car we noticed 2 girls were running out the door after not paying there bil. we would have gotten away with it scot free just as they did..

saturday

Hector and i decided to take a cab to the club. he actually wanted to pay for my evening for oncce since ive payed so many for him. the night was going well till some guy gets punched right inback of me. he falls back and his head hits my back. I got pissed and asked him what the hell was the big idea,and he says its the other guys fault for hiting him,. and i start yelling at the other guy. he tells me to change my tone of voice before i get hit next. and i told jim to go fuck himself. . as he steped up agenst me i started throwing a punch. just then a friend of mine grabs my arm in mid flight,

im sick an tired being a casuality between two guys fighting, or two girls fighting over one guuy. i mean seriously why me,. cant these worthless people act like civalized human beings. only reason i threw a punch is cause im sick an tired of going out and ending un a casuality in a fight. i just wana dance and have fuun not be battered around left and right.

As if thats not bad enough hector and i get back to my place, via taxi at the end of the night. and he proceeds to ask me if he can barrow my cell so that he can use the alerm to wake up for work. because his apartment has no power. I told him hell no and he got upset with me.

im sorry i let that man barrow over 100 dollors, an video games and some other stuff. and i learnt my lession. im sure as hell am not letting him take my phone home with him. thaats one thing that never leaves my sight or my home with anyone else but me. and if thats what he basis our friend ship on hes a fool. he can get a wind up battery operated travel clock at the place he works for just 5 bucks


told u alots happend

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

the last two days

Monday

Ok so my brother jeff has been tring to get me to a hair stylest or barber (im not intirly sure what the hell the difference isLOL) cause he dident like me with long hair, cause it looked like a mullet stright out of MacGyver, and he wont leme buzz my head cause i have a receeding hair line.

We tried going several times but something always came up. well monnday was the day. Jeff and i had planed to go to the mall and have lunch with mom so that shed have componey on her hour brake. cept hector came to., which was fine i guess.

After we met mom jeff said he was taking me to this girl corena to do my hair. i thought ok i guess. heres the kicker Corena as it turns out wasent some girl, NOR had she always BEEN a girl. she was a he, who espired to be a she. and im not talking just crossdressing she had some parts removesd and others created or implanted. i know silacone when i see them. but her dress happend to be so short having *to quote gen O'neall from SG1* junior wasent possable
Now she was eather spanish or mexican, so i figurred maybe she wasent a he at all, just a girl with a deep voice.

My friend cristina has a deep voice and shes all woman. but ther co worker did say that yes she was indeed born a he

anyhow she did my hear, ists alot shorter, and has shave a few years off my apearence. though now i need to start using gel. she was vary gent;le considering that my skin is vary senceative especially my scelp..she was vary gentle and thats a plus.

with the new wardrobe i got last monday and the new hair cut im on my way to something, still im not all that comfortable with change, expecially of this magnatude and this close together time wise
.
i was out all day that day, it included the hooca bar, the pool hall (which i couldent get a beer cause i looked so young now and i still havent renewed the bloofy id card) and 2 trips to the taco trucks that i paid for tueday morning LOL.. and also had a cople friends over, to the wee house tueday morning


Tuesday

At 4 am i was just about getting ready to go to bed. I kept thinking about my uncle who was gona have his heart sergery 2 and a half hours ;ater. Knowing he would be up and getting ready to go to the hospital for pre opp proceedures, i called him. told him i loved him and i knew hed be ok and i promised id see him soon. a few minutes later i hung up the phone and went to bed. where i slep till 10 am (in disscomfort from the taco trucks lol) i also had my uncle on my mind. and i called to hear there was no word yet.

No news is good news i thought and did my excersizes, that went well till i got on the excersize bike. i am wrinding along. and my seat which was on hight setting 1 drops down to 0 and i drop with it . twice this happend im sure i got a bruse on muy ass somewhere. i got off the thing not wanting to share a room with my uncle if i kept going.

My uncle made it through sergery and should me in intensive care another 10 or so hours from the time i post this. so about noon he will have a standard room. im just glad he pulled through it

stress and woring can make a peep tired. i knew hed be fine but it dosent stop one from worring. right before fay and pop died i felt something, what i believe to have been the angel of death. the human sences are wonderous things. but u have to listen to them and believe they can see and feel things are eyes and ears cant.

i dident feel that death feeling from my uncle. what i did feel was like a warning a wake up call, but nothing more. i tried telling my aunt that he was going to be fine, but strangely enough if a person dosent believe in that esp stuff , they sure wont listen to try and tell u about it(i love my aunt dearly, but she needs to learn that there are somethings in this world u canrt explain even if u tried for 1,000 years)

Im just glad i was right and my family dident have the same outcome as a year ago. since my aunt uncle and granparents, and my family do everything together, a blow to one is a blow to all

thanks pop for watching over him and all of us from up there



side notes

1 that girl never called me back. thats her loss not mine i did my part :)
2 I have not even gotten agitated in 3 days, due to meditation and learning controle
3 looks like i might be going for a 10 hour roadtrip to san diego within the next few weeks. i could use a vacation

Sunday, June 05, 2005

the game

I am a little tired of people syaing that the dance men and women do is a game. i hear that word in refernce to this topic and it makes me sick. I heatr it and im instandly reminded of the things certain people that i know do in regards to the opasit sex. for instance a guy says he likes this girl he wants to be with her and everything else, so they hook up. and at gathering such as parties as soon as the girl leaves, the guy is hanging over some new girl like shes frensh meet. i view that as sad and pathetic, on the men part for being pigs, and on the female part for buying into these guys, i mean come on how nieve can some girls be

Games are saposed to be fun, i fail to see the fun in geting a guy or girls number, and then calling them, when they have no intention of calling you back.i sure as hell dont find mind games fun, and thats a mind game. further more whats the fun in two steping back and forth till you decide if he or shes the one.

Dont lead someone on. thats just mean. if you say u want someone to call you and they do then call them back. if u say u like someone, then u should still like them if they ;leave the party early not look for someone else to fill the void

games are for childre, and i couldent wait to grow up so i dident have to play thoes silly games, i dont even watch a cartoons anymore (with the exception of cartoon networks star wars clone wars cause it set the tone for the last movie) why because this games stuff is for kids and not a grown adult like myself. the lieing the minipulating the mind games im not interested in it

if thats what the whole corting aspect of life has become a laughable game between the sexes just to impress or be with someone. and in some cases laughs, knowing that someone is sprung on you. if thats what this is about. if it truely is a game well then in day in age .... the game has one less player, i wont partisapate in this farse. and if that means being single for the rest of my life then i except that as my destiny. I will not willingly partake in this twisted game full of lies and daceet.

ill wait for a girl whos interested in me and not this stupid two-step. and if that time never happens well then ill be at peace knowing that i personally dident do something i felt was beneeath me.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

i need advice

Ok so last saturday i went out dancing, it was fun. dprnt most the night but not all dancing with my friends wife, cause i guess the guy just simply does not dance or know how.

Anyway in the middel of the evening i went out side cause it was hotter then hell inside and i neede some air. a guy i jbnow interduced me to this girl. she was vary kind and sweet and made comments on how handsome i am, and the fact that i smelt good without the use of calone. she then gave me her phone nuumber and told me to call her the next day

I asked her to dance and we did, before i knew it she was french kissing me. (the first time ive ever been kissed) she even gave me a kicky on my neck and sucked on my ear lobe. she brought up the fact that she has a kid, which im fine with, and she perceeded to tell me three times, and even kept making sure over and over agaon that i had her number

at the end of the evening she asked if i was a vergin, and then said never mind its not possable for a good looking man like myself to be one at this age. i told her i was cause i felt that lieing to her would not help any impression i was trying to make. she dident want to leave me, her friend kept telling her lets go lets go, and she asked me to call her sunday.

so i called her sunday and monday and got to anwser on her cell so i left a message, with my name phone number abd something to jog her memory. still i dident get a call back.

What im wondering is this all through the night she asked me if i had her number, why would she keep asking me this if she dident want to talk to me. and why mention her having a kid 3 times and asking if i was ok with that, if she was only planing on seeing me and talking to me once

Do i call a third an final time on friday or saturday , in the event thsat she was eather to tired or busy to call me back (she works as a nerse) or do i accept the fact that i was duped and was played a dirty little joke

im new to this whole woman thing ive never had a woman give me her number and tell me to call back. so im confused as to what to do next any advice would be nice

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

my dark side

jeff and i had froemds over for a little get together, (pool party and BBQ) i had a few drinks , not to get drunk but to numb certain aches pains and memories. AS the night went on i had aboout 6 bear, and u went head and made some bad choices

my mother requested i drink no more cause she felt i was drunk, i rebelled and drank more cause i felt i was fine.. a friennd of mine sided with my mom and in extream anger brought on by ahes pains and memories and bit her head off, and then when my mother got involved i turned around and bit her head off. . claiming that she had no riught to baby me or evbn try to ,make dissions for me

ive been awear that im develuping my own dark side now for the past few weeks, and i have tried to counteract it with medatation. the fact is since 1992 ive been angery about a great deal and every few years it begins to change my personnality.

thus ive decided i need to be left alone to clear my head, this means no instant messages no phone calls from anyone, to my friends and thoes who care about me plrase dont take it perspnally i dont wana loose controle of yemper and hurt anyone else ii car for.

this iis my deamon the resault of my painful past , and i need to deal with it before it destroyies me. i dont want to be thought of as an evil man cause truely im not

if you still wana coment or reply thats ok :)

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