lighting does strike the same place twice

*sighs* today has sucked a great deal. not long ago did my grandfather pass away from heart problems. now it pleadges another family member, my uncle. and it feels like daja-vu. its a scary time indeed and words like open heart sergery is a word that brings back sad memories for us all. yet come some time next week my uncle will be going through a tripple bypass open heart sergery. i hope and pray all will go well. for him. i know i must think hopefull thoughts and let the past be the past. the past and "last time" has no barring on this time. expect the outcomes to be totally different, this is what i keep telling myself.

stuff like this scares me to no end. Ive been told being dissabled makes me a high risk patient for heart problems. since my grandfather passed i have been taking my health much more seriously.

I quit smoking oncee, i had it beat and the habit kicked. but going to the club and watching people smoke , and being made fun of by girrls, or getting punched in the face, cause me to say the hell with it and pick it up again, that leads us to today. i got the news about sead family member when i was woken up at 9 30 am this morning. at that point i had a ciggerett, but that was my last cigerett and that was also 7 hrs ago. withdrawls have set in i got the chills im tired and slugish. but its not as hard as the first time i quit

as mentioned in my blog before im also working out every day and have ben riding an excersize bike for the last 5 days

im tarafied of dieing cause of cancer or heart problems. it wont happen to me I wont let it happen to me. ive been in hospitals enough times for one life time. i sure as hell refuse to die due to any cause, other then old age and if the fates have any other plans to take me before im achant and senile then they can kiss my ass cause i aint going

I decide when and how its my time to die and how i die no other person or entity has that right this is my life and only mine, and i decide how the story plays out and ends......